


you are my spring.

by midnight_files



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Kingdom, Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Prince Huening Kai, again i am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_files/pseuds/midnight_files
Summary: it's never the right timing, until it is. soobin learns that the hard way.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 19
Kudos: 53





	you are my spring.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a "love is timing" notion brought up by my friend, jei.

Spring calls for new beginnings. Calls for the birth of nature, the breath of fresh air, the start of life; Soobin finds his new beginning the spring before his 17th birthday.

The birds had chirped persistently at dawn and Soobin would’ve gotten some more shut-eye had his father not hauled him out of bed with a stern frown. “This is a big day,” was the claim as Soobin was ordered to put on his best clothes and occupy their guest while his father worked. Normally, he would help with the labor, but if it was a high ranking aristocrat, his father preferred to have his guests tended to with the hopes of a generous tip.

Their armory shop was connected to their home, separated by torn curtains for a make-shift wall. Their bedrooms and bathrooms were upstairs, but their stairs were concealed by the worn down rags and their living room was where all the customers were hosted. His father worked diligently in the backyard and he served reluctantly indoors. They weren’t wealthy, perse, but they were better off than most other families in the area due to the shop’s reputation. 

Today  _ is  _ a big day, much to Soobin’s surprise. When he draws back the curtains to enter the living room, he’s met with a sight that unhinges his jaw and yet leaves him speechless at the same time. Sat on their sofa with a white mantle whose length lets it kiss the carpet underneath, was the crown prince. 

“Your highness,” Soobin manages to acknowledge breathlessly, bowing his head once he catches the attention of the royal who seems fascinated by their interior decor.

“Oh please, there’s no need for that,” upon hearing a chortle, Soobin lifts his gaze again to fixate on the brunette. He’s young—turning fifteen in a few months, if Soobin recalls correctly—which makes it all the more dangerous for him to be unoccupied. Naturally, Soobin takes a cautious glance at their front door.

“Are you unoccupied, sire?” Soobin inquires seriously to which the prince stares at him, tilting his head to the side. “Yes, is that a problem?”

“I can take care of myself during a mere stroll through my kingdom, you know,” he continues before Soobin can reply. His expression is unreadable and Soobin flusters with worry. It’s been less than five minutes since they’ve met and he’s already managed to offend the prince. His father will  _ kill  _ him if he’s not beheaded right here, right now. “Loosen up. I’m only teasing.”

At that, Soobin releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. The relieved smile he harbors after grows fond at the way the young prince tips his head back and lets out a laugh. Long, brunette curls that frame his face shift at the motion and plush, cherry lips part. Soobin finds himself unable to look away.

“I’m here for some armor. Father says you lot are the best in the kingdom,” Soobin marvels at that, heart swelling with pride; it’s more on behalf of his father, but he also feels personally touched at the compliment.

“Pardon me for the question, Prince Kai, but for whom is the armor?” Soobin asks, once again doing a scan of the room for a knight that’s nowhere to be found. They’d discussed that he’d come alone prior, but Soobin finds it bizarre that the prince is picking up armor for—

“Why for myself of course,” Kai cuts in sharply, a pout curling onto his lower lip that has his youth shining through once more. “My old armor began to rust and training resumes on the morrow—Hm. I’ve forgotten to ask for your name.”

“Soobin,” the older boy supplies with another polite bow of his head. “Soobin,” repeats the royal, as if testing the name on his tongue. “I like it. Fitting, I think.”

“Thank you,” Soobin accepts the compliment sheepishly, ignoring the way his cheeks are heating up at an alarming rate; he’s sure his ears have given him away though. “My mother picked it.”

“Really? My mother picked my name too. Though I’m sure everyone knows that much,” Kai rolls his eyes and emits another laugh, the same one that has Soobin feeling at ease. “Well, Soobin, I’ll be here for a while so if you could fetch me a cup of water that would be great.”

Soobin mentally facepalms at his lack of mannerisms and excuses himself quietly, heading into the kitchen to do exactly what the prince had asked of him. The ceramic cups are stacked on the counter, washed thoroughly the night before by his mother, but Soobin rinses it again just to be safe. Clean water is stored in the clay pitcher beside the aforementioned utensils and Soobin fetches it wordlessly, lost in thought.

The prince is much more multifaceted than Soobin would’ve assumed. Sure, he’s only seen Kai during kingdom meetings and from afar at that, but given the reputation of the monarchs, he’d been under the impression that Kai was as strict and firm as his father. Aware of the responsibilities, expectations, and regulations that followed with being Crown Prince of Eternity, Soobin portrayed Kai the way he displayed himself to the public. However, Kai  _ is _ a kid, no matter the labels associated with him; hence, Soobin doesn’t find himself too surprised at the impish side he’s witnessing.

When he re-enters the living room, Kai has already stood up and begun to admire the painting hung above the fireplace. He’s almost a head shorter than Soobin, but that’s probably because his growth spurt hasn’t occurred yet; his father is known to be towering, it would be expected that his heir take after him.

“Where’d you get this?” Kai asks after thanking him for the cup of water, which he orders Soobin to leave on the table. Carefully, Soobin draws closer and inspects the artwork as if he doesn’t have it memorized, “I drew it the summer King Nabil boasted of your first hunting kill at the town square.”

“Did you attend?” He’s asked without hesitation and Soobin nods in response, scratching the nape of his neck as he tears his eyes away from the painting. “I was 14 then and I remember being in awe at the size of the boar you’d slain, especially knowing you were younger than me.”

“It came out beautifully,” Kai compliments, ghosting his slender fingers over the frame supporting the artwork and Soobin finds himself flustering once more. He takes a few steps away from the prince, not wanting to breathe down his neck, and stammers out a response of gratitude. To that, Kai simply allows another bubbling chortle to push past his thin lips. “Had it been on the market, I would’ve bought it in a heartbeat.”

“By all means, Prince Kai, I would be overjoyed if you were to be in possession of my work,” Soobin insists, reaching up to unmount the painting since it’s clear Kai is too short to do so himself. “I’m already honored as is, knowing that you’ve taken a liking to it despite its flaws.”

“Nonsense. I think it’s lovely,” Kai dismisses Soobin’s self criticism with a pointed glance in his direction before fixating on the artwork he’s got in his grasp now. “How much?”

“Oh please, none is needed,” Soobin shakes his head so quickly, he nearly gets a whiplash. Kai doesn’t seem to heed his words though, placing the painting down carefully on the sofa as he reaches into his pocket to fetch out a handful of gold coins.

“Is this enough?” There’s that childlike pout again, Soobin notes before gaping at the amount of currency Kai has in his cupped palm. It’s more than Soobin has ever seen someone offer as payment; double—not even—perhaps triple. “I’d supply more but I still have to reward your father for his work and I didn’t bring much with me today.”

Kai’s nose is scrunched which in turn causes his long lashes to kiss the tips of his cheeks and Soobin feels a weird prodding session in his chest that falls to his stomach. However, he ignores it in favor of accepting the money shyly which brings a smile to the younger male’s face.

After the transaction is complete, the door behind them creaks and Soobin’s father reappears, charcoal smeared on his cheek and sweat causing his locks to stick to his forehead. “Your highness, I’ve got the armor ready. Shall we begin making sure if it fits you well?”

“Yes, of course,” Kai responds and Soobin doesn’t miss the way his voice is a pitch higher from eagerness. He finds it endearing, but he keeps such comments to himself. The last thing he needs is for the prince to picture him as some sort of looming creep. “Soobin, will you assist me?”

Snapped out of his thoughts, the taller boy lifts his gaze from the floor to Kai who has already discarded his cloak and left it resting on the coat hanger. “As you wish, Young Prince,” Soobin verbalizes, guiding the royal to their backyard where his father has laid out the adjusted pieces of armor.

As always, the greaves go on first. Bending down, Soobin wordlessly binds the armor to the prince’s calves. It catches his eye that Kai is much thinner than his loose fitting trousers and oversized tunic let on, but given the way Kai had been snuggled into his cloak when he’d first seen him that morning, Soobin assumes the younger finds comfort in big clothing.

“Your highness, if I could speak a word,” Soobin manages to say after beginning to attach the cuisses onto Kai’s thighs. He’s granted permission with a soft hum and so he looks up. Doing so proves to be a fatal mistake because when he catches sight of Kai staring down at him, eyes open with curiosity and a captivating dazzle present from the way the sunlight glows in his hazel irises, he blanks out.

“Uh,” he starts off intelligibly and Kai looks at him with amusement, the corner of his lips curled into a mischievous smirk. “I was going to say that you should eat more. You’re very thin.”

“You think?” Kai extends his arm outward, rolling up his sleeves momentarily. After examination, he nods twice and then his hand lands on Soobin’s locks, rustling them gently. “I’ll gain muscle through training. Fret not.”

“Hard not to,” Soobin mutters without much thought and then colors noticeably upon realizing what he had said. “Again, not that you can’t take care of yourself. I just worry for you, my prince. It’s dangerous in the outskirts of the kingdom.”

“Well in that case you’ll protect me, won’t you?” Kai teases with a scoff, but Soobin answers the question with a nod regardless. “I’m not much of a swordsman, but I would protect you with my life.”

Soobin’s telling the truth. As subjects to the royal family, they’re taught to respect and honor the monarchs for as long as they live. To be guaranteed a home, fertile land, and safety should be more than enough reason to admire their rulers; however, Soobin has always seen it as their job to do so for their people. So, to him, he doesn’t understand this diehard adoration that plagues those underneath the royal family to serve them. That is, until today. 

Kai manages to effortlessly change his entire perspective on loyalty to his rulers. A prince who is devoted to serving his kingdom, who shows no bitterness about having his childhood stolen from him, who is pure with innocence and yet so scarred with experience years before adulthood; Soobin’s enamored. He’s not much older than Kai, barely two years, and yet he feels a sense of protectiveness he’s never felt before.

After Soobin’s fitted the body armor onto Kai, he reaches for the helmet, brushing off the dust that’s collected on the top. Normally, they tuck these helmets under their arm until it’s time for battle. Soobin can imagine Kai seated on his horse, this helmet safe in his grasp as he rides into the dueling arena, and his chest feels like it’s caving in on itself from the uneasiness that settles inside of him.

“Any day now,” Kai pipes up from behind him with a playful huff, meant to sound impatient but coming off sulky—like a kicked foal—if anything. “I’m getting tired of standing.”

“Then sit,” Soobin replies with a quiet scoff, momentarily forgetting Kai’s title and instead seeing him as his junior. He’s about to apologize when Kai flashes him a grin and interrupts, “I ought to have you punished for that. You’re lucky you’re handsome.”

“In private, I’ll allow you to address me as such. It makes me feel comfortable,” Kai continues babbling as Soobin fixes his fringe, making sure that there is not an ounce of discomfort before he settles Kai’s helmet onto his head. “In public, you’ll have to respect me. Can’t let anyone else hear and snatch away your fun, can we?”

“How do I look?” Kai asks him, striking a silly pose once he’s fully sheathed in his new armor whilst his grin reappears on his face. Soobin is standing at his given height, staring down at the younger at an angle that makes his neck hurt; it’s worth it, though. From here, he can take in Kai’s breathtaking features and it makes his heart skip a beat, but he ignores it. This was the  _ prince _ for crying out loud and on top of that, they were far too young.

“Like a prince,” Soobin answers after staring for a few seconds too long. The look he gives Kai must be telling because the royal’s grin drops just a slight and he seems—dare Soobin say—shy. They stand there staring at one another without speaking, afraid their words may ruin the moment, until the backyard door creaks open and Soobin’s father joins them.

Kai’s quick to converse with the older man, leaving Soobin to stumble backwards and shake himself out of the daze he’s lured himself into. By the time he’s gotten ahold of himself, Kai’s no longer in sight and Soobin hates the way his heart aches longingly.

* * *

Retirement comes in a few years for Soobin’s father, the family no longer wanting to risk him getting ailments; hence, at the age of 21, Soobin becomes the owner of the armory. It’s initially an overbearing title for him, since he believed he had many years to go before acquiring mastery, but his father reassures him that he’s ready.

Eventually, Soobin gets used to it. The nerves when greeting a customer, the doubts when accepting a request, the jitters when presenting the final material, they all become manageable to him. Needless to say, their reputation lies unhindered, because why else would Eternity’s prince barge in minutes before sundown the night the King issued a declaration of war.

“Prince Kai,” Soobin manages to greet, disbelief painted across his visage at the male standing before him. How many springs had passed? How many new beginnings had he pushed through? How many times had he restarted, none of which had been with Kai for whom his heart longed for?

“Soobin,” Kai returns, stepping cautiously into the store and taking into account what had changed in the 5 years they had been apart. “Fancy what you’ve done with the place.”

“Thank you, your highness,” Soobin responds with the bow of his head, not daring to look up because if he does—if he finds himself staring into those mesmerizing chestnut optics once more—he’ll reopen that self inflicted wound he’d left in his chest.

“Thought we decided to drop the formalities in private,” Kai replies and Soobin can hear him draw closer by the way the soles of his boots drag across the wooden floor. “I missed you.”

Soobin can’t resist anymore; he lifts his head up and allows himself to fall headfirst into the trap he knows fate has enticed him into. Sure, he’s admired Kai from afar for years, but nothing compares to seeing him mere meters away.

Kai’s grown. His shoulders have gotten broader, there’s more meat on his legs (though still not enough, in Soobin’s opinion), he now harbors short curls that only cover his forehead; yet, through all the differences and the evident maturity, he still looks like the boy that had waltzed into the store (and Soobin’s heart) all those years ago.

His lashes are still long, his lips are still plush and cherry tinted, and stars continue to reside in his eyes. Much like a fawn, Soobin thinks to himself as Kai stares up at him, doe-like.

“I missed you too,” he confesses, despite knowing he probably shouldn’t. He yearns to curl his fingers around Kai’s slender wrist and hug him like he should’ve when they’d first met, but he doesn’t. “What can I do for you tonight?”

“I need a new helmet,” Kai answers and Soobin takes note of the fiery orange the sky is outside. If he gets started now, he can finish before midnight. “But,” Kai cuts into his thoughts and Soobin’s been too busy making calculations to realize that Kai has unclasped his mantle and left it forgotten on the floor. “That can wait until morn.”

Soobin tries to ignore it at first, the erratic drumming of his heart against his ribcage, but when Kai draws closer, he knows he’s lost. Fire erupts wherever Kai’s touch lingers; his cheek, his arms, his waist, his shoulders, they’re all burning.

Kai’s fingers interlock with one another behind Soobin’s neck and as if he’s enchanted, Soobin instinctively wraps his own arms around Kai’s petite frame even if the little conscience he has left yells at him not to.  _ This is wrong, _ it cries, but Soobin shuts it out.

Tipping his chin down, Soobin rests his forehead against Kai’s and their eyes flutter shut as they take in the comfort brought about simply by their proximity. Behind them, the sun finally drapes night’s cloak over itself. When Soobin opens his eyes again, his breath gets caught in his throat. The lantern illuminating the living room highlights Kai’s angelic features beautifully, shadows accentuating the curves of his face and the dip of his collarbones.

If he’s going to do something he regrets, he might as well do it now. The rash thinking causes him to lean in, pressing his plump rosettes onto Kai’s awaiting pair. It’s tentative the first time and when they pull away, Soobin would’ve apologized had Kai not chased after him and attached their lips together once more. They kiss with more feeling the second time, passion mixed in with greed, and Soobin feels Kai smile into it. One palm flattens against the small of the younger’s back and the other curls around the royal’s prominent hip bone. Carefully, Soobin times the rhythm so that they’re no longer nearly clashing teeth and bumping noses (though the giggles they elicit from Kai are addicting). Daringly, he nips away at Kai’s glistening lower lip and maneuvers them so that the latter is pressed between him and the wall.

By the way Kai gasps when Soobin brings a hand up to tug gently at those brunette strands of his, it’s clear that the new support is much needed or else Kai’s knees would’ve given in. Their lips find each other once more, Soobin marvelling at how the prince submits his power so willingly, and the worries from before grow distant.

When Soobin wakes up the next morning, Kai’s resting in his arms soundly and he doesn’t have the heart to wake him. Instead he stares, counting the moles on his face and whispering sweet-nothings. Kai stirs awake a few minutes later, shying away from Soobin’s intense gaze by burying his face into the taller’s chest.

In a few moments, he’s got Kai pinned underneath him, lips leaving kisses along the pale column of Kai’s neck again. They’re light pecks, lacking the fervor from last night, but they affect Kai all the same. “Soobin, stop,” comes the half-hearted complaint between whines. Soobin complies and puts a halt to his affectionate gestures.

“I was supposed to be home by last night,” Kai groans and Soobin snorts as the younger simply snuggles into the duvet instead of getting up. “Can you go make the helmet?”

“As you wish, my prince,” Soobin teases Kai by bowing way too formally as he gets out of bed and Kai retaliates by sticking his tongue out childishly and hurling a pillow at Soobin’s retreating figure. “I’m not picking that up!”

“Whatever!” He hears Kai shout at him while he’s descending to the first floor. His mother is awake and brewing tea, raising an eyebrow at him curiously, and he flusters after he realizes he’s forgotten to grab a shirt. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Thankfully, she doesn’t pry and Soobin gets to work, aiming to finish before noon, and he does just that (though Kai distracts him with kisses far too many times to recall).

“How much?” Kai inquires once he’s done inspecting the helmet. It’s a rhetorical question. Kai knows Soobin will refuse payment, mumbling something along the lines of ‘it’s an honor and my duty to serve you’, and Soobin knows that Kai will pay him whatever he’s got in his pockets at the moment.

(It’s even more than last time and Soobin swears that his mom nearly faints at the sight.)

“So, is this goodbye?” Soobin’s words come out a whisper, fragility finally coming back to light, and Kai responds with a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Visit me at the castle sometime this week.”

At that, Soobin smiles brightly and reaches down to wrap his arms around Kai’s thighs, picking him up and twirling him around once. Kai’s melodious laughter rings through the shop and Soobin nearly forgets that they have an audience: his mother. He’s reminded by a disapproving look from Kai when he leans in to kiss him.

“She won’t mind.” Persistently, he seals Kai’s disagreements with his lips.

* * *

The palace is as beautiful as Soobin had imagined it would be. The moment he first enters through the gates, he’s told to wait by the marble fountain for the prince. He gets so caught up admiring the way the sunlight reflects off the rippling waters, he’s late at noticing Kai’s arrival. However, the younger simply pouts and Soobin bows, aware that he must be on his best behavior now that they were where everyone could see them.

“Your highness,” the knight behind Kai interjects as Kai reaches out to pull Soobin into an embrace.

“I trust him, Yeonjun,” Kai replies nonchalantly and Soobin savors the hug which is over too quickly for his liking. “Look at him. Does he look like a threat?”

Soobin’s not sure if he should feel complimented or offended at that. Sure, his round cheeks give off a childlike impression, but he’s definitely got the strength to overpower Kai if he really wanted to (and he has proven that before). 

“No, I suppose not,” Yeonjun affirms after giving Soobin a once over and they leave the discussion at that. Kai dismisses the knight who seems reluctant to go, but Soobin’s aware he’s only trying to do his job.

“He dotes on me too much,” Kai comments as he leads Soobin into the castle, walking slowly so Soobin can admire the intricate design. “I can’t blame him. He’s first in command for my protection and I think he sees his late younger brother in me.”

After walking for quite some time, they finally reach the big wooden doors of Kai’s chambers. The handles are made of pure gold and Soobin reaches out to caress it, which elicits a chuckle from Kai.

“You’re the first visitor I’ve let into my room,” Kai mentions when they’re inside, carefully shutting the doors behind him and then walking past Soobin to sit himself down on the edge of his bed. The window’s curtains are down and the drapes of Kai’s bed are pulled up, suggesting the younger hadn’t been in the room since the morning. “Stay for supper, won’t you?”

“King Nabil would lose his head if he saw you humoring a low subject such as myself,” Soobin argues and Kai waves a hand in the air dismissively. “Father could care less, but if it truly worries you, you’ll find ease knowing he’s running an errand tonight.”

“And the queen?”

“She’s been longing to see you.”

At this, Soobin grows a bit smug. “Talked about me, have you?” Kai answers him without hesitation, “Of course.” Soobin saunters over to him, bending down whilst tipping Kai’s chin upwards, and melts their lips together. The kiss is meant to be brief, a mere sign of affection, but Kai tugs on Soobin’s shirt as he falls back onto the sheets.

(“You kept the drawing?” Soobin asks later, while they’re huddled together on the bed and he has a clear sight of the artwork hung over on the adjacent wall. “Of course.”)

After they’re seated at the dining hall, the first thing Soobin does is fight to restrain himself from gaping in awe. The table is long and filled with exquisite cuisines—meals he’s never seen up close in his entire life—and the utensils are all a shimmering silver or gold. Seated at the end is the Queen and beside her, her two daughters. Across, Kai takes his seat and invites Soobin to sit next to him. Yeonjun stands guard by Kai and Soobin can’t help but wonder how exhausting his job must be.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” speaks Lea, the eldest of the two princesses. Kai makes a noise of protest and Bahiyyih bites back a giggle as she begins to eat her food. “Please. I’m sure Soobin, himself, isn’t surprised that you don’t ever stop talking about him, dear brother.”

“Frankly, it’s gotten concerning. Teetering towards obsession, if I didn’t know any better,” Lea finishes, taking a sip of wine out of her chalice. Kai shoots Soobin an apologetic look, but the elder simply grows more fond as each second passes.

“I want to thank you,” the Queen speaks and Soobin tears his eyes away from Kai’s tempting, droopy gaze. “You’ve been making excellent armor for my son for ages. Surely we haven’t paid you enough.”

Soobin shoots Kai a curious glance at the claim and is answered with a sheepish grin and the aversion of eyes. He’ll question him about it later.

“Well, I’m glad the armor has been well fitting,” Soobin replies, smiling politely and trying to ignore the way Bahiyyih stares at the dimples that appear on his cheeks. “Prince Kai has paid me more than enough for my services, though I would be more than happy to do such jobs for free.”

“As if we would allow it,” her majesty responds with a quiet laugh, setting down her fork and wiping the edges of her lips so that she can continue their conversation. “Such talent should be rewarded. Is there anything we can do for you?”

The power that question holds is self-explanatory. There are a variety of things he can ask for without seeming too greedy: a horse, some silk, perhaps a chalice of his own. However, his gaze lands on Kai who’s happily eating away his meal, satisfied hums sounding every now and then. “Please make sure he’s safe.”

Kai’s too preoccupied to hear him, but Lea and Bahiyyih send Soobin a look that says they’ll be teasing Kai about it for ages to come. Their mother, on the other hand, reaches over the table and places a hand of hers over his. He knows what it means without meeting her gaze. She can’t guarantee his safety, no one can, especially not with a war ready to take place.

Soobin’s gaze meets Yeonjun’s and the armed knight nods once; it’s quick, slight, and Soobin thinks he imagines it, but overwhelming reassurance surges through him regardless.

_ You have my word. _

* * *

Soobin doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget the chimes of the bell tower, a month after the start of the war between Eternity and Magic. Usually, it would signal the established curfew, but it was currently noon and that information had sent chills running down Soobin’s spine. All around the town square, chatter died and faces paled as they quickly scurried back to their homes.

Sitting on a wooden chair and facing his front door, Soobin dons his spare armor and shakily wields a sword Kai had bestowed on him the night before his departure. It was for his protection, Kai had insisted, but they both knew Soobin was a helpless cause when it came to dueling.

Soobin wonders how Kai’s doing. He wonders if Kai’s still fighting, if he’s been injured in any way, if he’s still breathing—no, he has to be. Yeonjun had promised.

The same night Kai had given him the weapon, Soobin had found the stitched wound in his heart reopening. Perhaps it had been his own fault; perhaps, with an impending war and all, Soobin’s confession had been poorly timed.

_ “I love you,” Soobin whispers after pulling away from the umpteenth kiss of the night. His hair is disheveled and his lips are swollen, but Kai’s not much better. Kai’s lips are rosy, on the verge of bleeding from the consistent nipping, and his neck is littered with reminding blemishes. _

_ “Don’t,” Kai breathes out, hands lowering from Soobin’s shoulder to the latter’s broad chest. He’s not applying any pressure, but the message is clear. Soobin’s breath catches in his throat and his heart sinks; it free falls so fast, Soobin has to get out of bed and take a breath of fresh air by the window. Had he read it all wrong? Did Kai not love him? Had this yearning been unrequited? _

_ “Why?” Soobin’s voice betrays him. _

_ “If anything should happen to me,” Kai begins and Soobin interrupts without hesitance. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.” _

_ “You don’t know that, Soobin!” Kai’s eyes are narrowed; this is the first time Soobin’s seen him clearly upset, let alone borderline angry. “You don’t know that.” It’s quieter the second time. Much more vulnerable, much more telling. “I don’t want to hold you back.” _

_ “You’re not,” Soobin tries, rushing over to sit beside Kai once more. His hands cup Kai’s smaller ones, trying to express the emotions he can’t with words. “Even if it’s a hundred years, I’ll wait for you.” _

_ Kai pulls his hands away from Soobin’s with reluctance and even with unshed tears collecting at the corners of his eyes and sadness that pains Soobin in ways ere unimaginable, Kai remains ethereal to him. _

_ “Please,” Kai requests with a smile that tears away the last pillar keeping Soobin grounded. _

  
  


The memory haunts him. It hinders Soobin’s thoughts and becomes the focus of his dreams, but there’s nothing he can do about it. Even if he’s promised Kai to seek for his own happiness, he can’t do such when it resides with the younger.

Soobin’s on edge, every sound he hears leaving goosebumps in its wake; something is wrong, he can sense it. To ease himself, Soobin stands up and begins to pace back and forth in the living room when a sudden banging catches him off guard. There’s someone trying to break into their home. Hurriedly, he ushers his parents upstairs and then stands at an angle, trying to catch sight of the figure through the tiny gap he’s left between the window curtains.

“Please.” Soobin drops his sword and ignores the way it clatters noisily against the floorboards. He lunges for the door and swings it open, barely able to steady himself as a familiar figure falls into his embrace.

After a bit of a struggle, he manages to securely lock the door once again while keeping Kai tucked in his arms. He can feel the tremors that run down the prince’s body and though the steel prevents him from feeling any moisture, he knows from Kai’s uncontrollable sniffling that he’s crying.

It takes a couple minutes for Kai to calm down enough for Soobin to detach himself momentarily and discard himself of the armor. The war is over, Kai had managed to tell him through his choked sobs.

“He’s dead,” the sentence rests heavily on their shoulders. It seems that their ruckus had caught the attention of Soobin’s parents as well because they hurry downstairs to prepare a meal for the broken boy while Soobin continues to caress his back absentmindedly.

“I’m sorry,” is all Soobin can manage to say as Kai curls up against him once more and they remain huddled on the sofa until nightfall.

Word of victory has spread like wildfire among the kingdom, as noted from the triumphant cries and celebratory music. Soobin wishes he could block out the noise because Kai flinches with every joyous shout heard and every harmonious song played. Knowledge of the casualties remains the royal family’s secret until the end of the week.

The end of the week, when Kai would be crowned King of Eternity.

“I’m scared,” Kai admits as they lay face to face on Soobin’s rigid mattress. Soobin reaches out, cupping Kai’s cheek with a palm, and brushes the pad of his thumb over Kai’s cheekbone. His heart flutters when the younger leans into the warmth of his touch, vulnerability breaking through his typical, collected facade. “I could never be like him.”

“You’re right,” Soobin claims and before Kai can feel hurt by his words, he clarifies. “You could never be, because you’re yourself. You’ll rule the kingdom your own way and you won’t let the kingdom down, you never have.”

“Kai, you came into an armory shop when you were just a boy. People at that age worry about gaining a maiden’s fancy, but you were worried about training to serve your people.” Soobin shakes his head at the memory, the intensity of those first butterflies being nothing compared to what he feels now. “They love you, you know. I’ve never heard anyone speak ill of you. They know you care for them, that you would lay your life down for them if ever the chance should come; and you did. You fought that war for them. You’ll make a wonderful king.”

Silence follows Soobin’s rambling and normally, Soobin would fluster at how carried away he’s gotten—yet again—whilst admiring his lover. However, he knows he can’t falter even the slightest right now; Kai needs him to be strong.

“First of all,” Kai finally begins after being lost in thought for a few moments. “I was too busy ogling at a certain gentleman to worry over maidens.” Soobin rolls his eyes, seeing that Kai’s sense of humor has come back, and shuts him up with a kiss.

He speculates that Kai will push him away, but he’s only pulled closer. Addictive, intoxicating, enchanting—Soobin could never get enough of Kai. He maneuvers until he’s situated over Kai, using his forearms to hover over him. Kai’s grown even more, but Soobin’s still got a noticeable amount of height on him. Everything else about Kai, aside from his far from narrow shoulders, remains petite.

Their lips glide against one another with need, pouring emotions from months of craving. Soobin kisses away each of Kai’s pleas, coaxing the younger’s lips apart, and they continue to lose themselves in one another until drowsiness creeps up on them.

“I love you too.”

* * *

Soobin’s unsure what Kai means by ‘love’ when the latter declares pridefully at the town square that he’ll be wedded to Choi Beomgyu, Crown Prince of Magic, soon. All around him, people are immersed in conversations of joy. The wedding will ensure that no more feudal wars occur, Soobin should be relieved too. However, he catches Kai’s eye after the announcement and can’t even manage the weakest of congratulatory smiles.

Kai tries to catch him later on, fingers encircling around Soobin’s wrist, but Soobin still has the upperhand when it comes to strength and pries himself free before disappearing in the crowd. Had Kai truly wished to seek for him, he would’ve come to his abode.

Soobin waits, but Kai never comes.

* * *

Three spring seasons go by and Soobin finds himself moving backwards instead of forwards. There are no more beginnings for him; only repetitive cycles and the search for an alternative ending.

The pain is easier to cope with when he’s got distractions, so Soobin allows himself to meet new people and spend nights with those forgotten faces, but none of them come close to Kai. None of them have that glimmer in their eyes, that infamous smirk contrasting plain innocence, that impish and neverending charm. Their voices aren’t as melodious, comments aren’t as quirky, smiles aren’t as contagious. Kai is the standard and Soobin views him as a deity; everyone else could never compete.

Life goes on. The armory is still bustling with business as per usual, but these days, Soobin grows drained more and more easily. He works less hours of the day and exerts less effort when he’s on the job, but the difference in quality isn’t much so he still gets paid sufficiently.

The light knocking on their front door catches him right before he heads upstairs one night and he opens the door to politely decline the customer when he’s face to face with the lone cause to his aching.

“Soobin,” Kai begins, but Soobin shakes his head and shuts the door. He can’t do this again. He can’t open his heart up a fourth time only to have it forced shut once more.

Not trusting his legs to do him any justice in carrying him to his bedroom, he presses himself up against the door and slides down. His arms loop around his knees and he finds his cheeks wet before he can even process that he’s crying.

“Please, Soobin,” Kai tries again from the other side of the door. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m a coward, I know,” he continues and Soobin wishes that he would stop. He wishes that Kai would just go away and at the same time, he doesn’t. He doesn’t because he’s been pining over Kai for nearly a decade now and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop; he’s not sure he  _ wants  _ to stop.

“I had to. I had no choice, I couldn’t let him die in vain,” comes the explanation behind his heartbreak that day at the town square. “King Choi had promised us allegiance if I married his son. I didn’t want to but I had to; my duty to the people comes before my happiness.”

“There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t pondered about how you’ve been, haven’t yearned for you, haven’t held myself back from visiting you,” Soobin hates that he can hear the sincerity in his— _ the _ King’s voice. “I didn’t want to let father down… I didn’t want to let you down.”

“Let me down?” Soobin finally manages, a pathetic laugh evading him at that. His palm comes up to hastily wipe away his tears and he strains to speak because his voice is protesting against it. “You left me without a word and you think you haven’t let me down?”

“I’m sorry, Soobin,” Kai pleads and by the way his voice cracks, Soobin knows that he’s in tears as well. “I didn’t want to hold you back again.”

“I told you I’d wait for you. Even if it took centuries, I said I would be there,” Soobin replies and had it not been the dead of night, his words would not have been audible. “I swore you were the one for me. No, I  _ still _ swear that you’re the one for me, but I can’t have you. I’ll never have you.”

“You can,” comes the desperate cry, a weak collision of a fist meeting the door following soon after. “You can, I promise. I’m all yours, I always have been. Beomgyu has been crowned as King of Magic and we’ve decided on a truce. He fancied the marriage no more than I. We’ve called it off.”

Soobin’s head hits the door behind him and he stares blankly at the ceiling. This is the chance he’s been waiting all these years for. The chance to make Kai his once and for all; the chance to be with Kai and never part ‘til death bid them to do so.

But he feels so drained. He’s so tired—so, so tired of this endless loop he’s thrown himself into.

“Please. I love you.”

Soobin just wants love to leave him alone.

* * *

It doesn’t leave him alone.

Soobin’s not sure why he’d been so hopeful about finally moving on from Kai when all he’s grown to know is how to love him. Everything reminds him of Kai to the point where he has to temporarily close the family shop because all he thinks of is Kai’s figure when piecing together armour.

Painting is a forgotten hobby of his—a lost passion—but this separation from Kai hits harder than any of the other ones he’s gone through. So he tries his best to pour his feelings onto the canvas; he wants to draw them away, but they only grow.

Soobin doesn’t miss a single detail. How could he? After all, Kai’s all he sees when he closes his eyes. From the tiny moles adorning Kai’s face to the curl of his long lashes to the pearly white teeth that peek past rosy lips, Soobin captures it all. And even in artwork, Kai’s beauty shines through.

“Talk to him,” his mother encourages, running her fingers through Soobin’s hair as he remains hunched over the canvas, doing his best to bring justice to Kai’s picturesque being. “Tell him you still love him. It’s not too late.”

Soobin doesn’t budge for hours, simply trailing his finger over the now finalized piece and tracing the features he longs to feel once more. From the lush brunette tresses to the sharp jawline.

Soobin has always been a tad bit rash and impulsive, so he can’t stop himself from heading out the front door.

The palace is still as marvelous as ever and Soobin has to take a deep breath at the gates, unsure if he’s actually ready to do this. Was he ready for the possibility of another rejection? He flutters his eyes shut in an attempt to think clearly, but is met with the same reason that brought him here in the first place: Kai.

When he enters the castle grounds, he waits by the fountain as he’d done years ago, waiting for someone to approach him and accompany him where he needs to be. The water still shimmers underneath the sun and his reflection appears fragmented, which Soobin finds ironic.

Metal clangs displeasingly behind him and he turns his head to see Yeonjun standing there with his helmet tucked underneath his arm. Before Soobin can request his guidance, Yeonjun speaks.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t keep my promise.”

Soobin furrows his eyebrows in bafflement, unsure at what the knight’s talking about. He’s about to pry when he catches sight of Lea approaching the two of them, dressed in a haunting black gown. The realization hits him so hard, his knees give away and his head begins to spin.

It’s hard to breathe. It’s harder than ever before. Soobin spirals so fast, Yeonjun discards his helmet carelessly to steady him before he ends up falling.

He’s gone, he’s gone,  _ he’s gone. _

Soobin feels too much at once. The memories come back at full force, flooding his train of thought, overwhelming his senses. He feels until he can’t feel anymore. Until the last memory strips itself of colors and stores itself back in his thoughts in a monochromatic scheme.

* * *

The timing’s never right, until it is. 

Soobin learns that the hard way. His first love becomes a distant—yet fond—memory and he visits Kai’s grave annually; somewhere deep inside of him, his heart still woefully longs.

He doesn’t make the same mistake twice. Yeonjun and him fall into each other’s orbits a few years after Kai’s passing and Soobin seizes the chance. They find solace in one another and happiness slowly seeps back into their life. Yeonjun’s a natural flirt and quite humorous too, which Soobin finds admirable, and most of all—Yeonjun keeps him grounded.

Several years in, they find out that they’re not right for one another romantically—that perhaps a platonic friendship is better suited for them. Soobin had loved Yeonjun—of course he had and he still does—but it hadn’t been the way he’d loved Kai. He could never love someone the way he’d loved Kai.

It’s not only the timing, Soobin thinks to himself as he leaves another rose by Kai’s grave, it’s also the person.

_ The right timing with the right person.  _

Soobin’s sure Kai’s waiting for him—waiting for them to get their timing right. So he heads home and prepares for another day—another spring—to pass, for it means he's all the more closer to reuniting with whom his heart bleeds for. All the more closer to starting a new beginning with Kai.

_ Whenever I see him, I’m not lonely anymore. _

**Author's Note:**

> wahhhh i have always wanted to write prince!kai and i have finally done it!  
> i'm sorry for the angst hhh.  
> usually i do not write such sad things.. and it's especially hard to write that about the gums but i had to do my friend's suggestion some justice(?) sdjfksdlf.
> 
> i tried to rush through the sad part of the ending (or the whole ending even HSDBHF) so it doesn't hurt as much HBFSHB.  
> anyways, please let me know what you guys think! ^___^  
> sorry if it did not meet expectations,, ; ;  
> i'm still new to writing for moas,, 
> 
> p.s i am sorry for not mentioning taehyunnie in this fic T__T i wasn't gonna mention the other charcters since there wasn't many side characters to add but yeonjun and beomgyu just came up while i was typing this. had kai needed advice, he would've definitely gone to taehyunnie though! royal advisor taehyun rise!
> 
> [ twt. ](https://twitter.com/kaifiIes)


End file.
